Happiness

I'm really pretty happy. I feel like my life is just beginning.

Go On

Rip out my heart
Tear it apart
cause i like it
i like it all

wanna feel alive
never want to die
go on make me cry
I'm happy inside

knowing I feel
knowing I'm real
Life is my drug
I'm like a thug

I'm high I'm low
Lets take it slow
Can't get enough
This is the stuff


Old Poem I dug up from 06/07/08
I get scared sometimes, but I think it still rings true. I just want to live, and I'm not afraid of pain because, as they say, "no pain, no gain." Sadness is often followed by joy. You can either get on the roller-coaster of life or you just float on numbly and never experience anything. Your choice.

Under The Tuncan Sun- w/ Diane Lane:)

I thought it would be just another romantic comedy but this one really inspired. This woman gets a divorce (Her husband leaves her for another woman and tells her he never loved her) and she feels like her life is over. Her lesbian friend forces her to go to Tuscany for a 10 day gay tour. So she goes to Tuscany and all the sudden she is inspired to write again (she's a writer who mostly reviews other peoples books and has yet to write her own novel) and on her second day there she meets this elegant, childish woman who wears extravagant hats and this woman points to a poster of a villa that is for sale and says to her, you should buy it. Sooo even though she thinks that would be a terrible idea and this woman is dotty, she keeps thinking about it and and she heads over there to look at the house and she buys it! And moves in. She doesn't know anybody in all of Italy but she just moves there and starts her life all over. Its incredible. And she hires some polish guys to renovate the place and they become her friends and the hat lady kind of becomes her life mentor. She tells her, "To do things spherically and with childish enthusiasm." I love that. I love that. Anyway, she has all these new friends and she's still lonely and sad but then she meets this hottie Marcello who tells her he wants to swim in her eyes and they have lots of really good sex, but then her friend comes to visit and she cant see him for a few days and he gets all pouty and impatient and finds somebody else. And then one of her Polish friends, the cute young one, falls in love with an Italian girl and they have a beautiful wedding at "Diane Lane's" Villa, and she's happy again just to have all her friends with her, and to be in the presence of true love. So... she leans back in her lounge chair, smiling at all her friends, content and at peace with herself and the world around her.... when out of nowhere this Gorgeous American man approaches her and says the review she gave his book saved his career. They start talking and laughing and the movie ends there.

She found love when she stopped looking for it.
Isn't that always the way?

The lady with the hats told her that you can't go looking for happiness. She used this great analogy. She said, "When I was a little girl I use to spend hours looking for lady bugs. Then one day I fell asleep in the grass and when I woke up they were crawling all over me."
Well I just thought it was a beautiful story about starting over and happiness, and the human spirit.


I'm sorry I can quote lines from movies but I can never remember the characters names. I always call them by their real names or just give them a name having to do with what they do or wear. Sorry.

The Boston Ballet's - ElderDance

http://www.prometheusdance.org/elders.html
Inspiring. Absolutely. Positively. More on this later.

My little walking home from the station ditty.

"Ain't got no man, Don't have no cares, Well, All I gots a song. Don't got no worries, Can't pay no fares, But All I needs my song." - Me

Seriously, We do this in school. Try making nonesence sentances. Hard

A sword makes pies of flattery under a ribcage. I bubble on under the gargole of past-times. People drill popsicle smiles on elephants. I get fluttery on fiddle-sticks and fortune. Understated hippo makes underware instruments. Pork sees triangle God of hairy door. I can flounce bitterly on purple stairs. Don't train jets for hillbilly launching.
Ugh I tried.
This actually makes too much sense. Maybe I should smoke a reefer first.

A Walk on The Moon

~Look over yonder, what do you see? The sun is a-risin', most definitely. A new day is coming. People are changin.' Ain't it beautiful? Crystal Blue Persuasion. Better get ready. Gonna see the light. Love, love is the answer, and that's alright.~

I love this song! They play it at the end when the credits roll and it somehow fits the movie perfectly... the message... the feeling... the sexiness.

A Walk on The Moon, starring lovely Diane Lane, hunky Viggo Mortensen, the stunning young Anna Paquin, oh, and Liev Schrieber, was not what I expected. It was almost anti-romantic AND anti-idealistic, but I fell in love in spite, or perhaps BECAUSE, of this. What happens when you don't want to be in your life anymore? You love your husband and you love your kids but there are just so many things you want to do that you never got to? Pearl had her daughter, who's now a teenager herself, at 17 and her husband is the only man she has ever been with. Somewhere along the line she lost herself. So they go on their family vacation and along comes this sexy traveling salesmen, selling, of all things, woman's blouses, and he turns her world, and HER, upside down. You know, they do it. Over and over. And it is Goood! It is- naked under a waterfall, sliding up against rocks, hair tugging- goodness. And just by watching this one can understand how Pearl can consider leaving her sexually conservative and fumbling (as in Opps, sorry. ow ow ow. How's that, dear. Op, wait a minute) husband for side-burned sex god Viggo (aka Blouse man). See the damn movie okay, its steamy!:)

So here's what I get out of this movie. Its about marriage and love and responsibility. It is possible to fall in love with a sexy stranger that offers you everything while you are married with children. It is soooo possible. So what do you do? Do you leave your old life for a better one? Well, can you? Should you? So many questions. Pearl's mother in law (the worst kind of mother in law, a jewish fortune teller, who already knows Pearl is doing the blouse-man and will make her feel guilty about it forever jkjkjk) puts it best...

Here's the quote-

"Do You believe in fate?"

--"I'm not sure what that means."

"It means that there are certain things that no matter what you do that they're meant to happen.

They're in the stars.

They're bashert, destined.

But even if they're in the stars,

a person, a grown-up responsible person, a mensch,

can make a different choice.

They can make the right choice.

You're shtupping someone. ""

So, I guess sometimes fate throws you a curve ball and you have to ask yourself, should I catch it? This offers the idea that everything it predestined AND we have a choice. Whoa. Imagine that?! It blows my mind. Maybe everything happens for a reason, and everything is predetermined BUT we have the option to take it or leave it- to go with the flow or make a change. I rather like this philosophy. Do I believe it? I'm not sure. But its beautiful and logical too.

Another thing I've learned. Maybe there is a distinction between love and romance after all. Romance is something you can create with a song or the right lighting or a look or gesture. And its really not that hard to come by after all. But love, love goes so much deeper.

Romance is Romance

Love is love

And Sometimes the two meet and it can be sweet:)

I'm 24 years old and I'm just figuring this out.

Most of the time its all superficial head games, and not love at all. I don't think she really loved blouseman, though I think the movie tries to convey that she did. It just seems to me they didn't do much talking- if u know what I mean. ;)

I also think love needs time to grow. Once I loved someone, as deeply as I could at a pretty young age. Well, actually I'm not going to knock young love because there is a purity there that can't be beat. Anyway, over the past couple years there has just been romance and, ahem, stuff. And maybe a glimpse of love. But no cigar. So it goes. My momma, besides saying there'd be days like this and telling me that I gotta shop around, my momma told me love don't come easy. So I don't expect it to.

So when you have love without the romance....when something is missing.., do you go elsewhere for it, or try to recreate it again with the one you love?

Pearl chooses to go looking elsewhere, and gets it on with blouse man. She has a good time. She feels free. She feels alive again. But she can't run off with him. Why? Because she feels bad. Well, la de da. But then her husband, HE lets her back in... no, he OPENS his heart. He lets her know that she is loved and wanted. This man, man, puts aside his damaged ego, painfully yes, but nonetheless, puts it aside. He saves the marriage, just like that! What could have been destroyed forever or taken years to resolve he fixes in the time it takes him to fix a television set. (He fixes television sets. Because he couldn't go to college and become a scientist because he knocked Pearl up) He just lets it go. And he lets her in and they dance. On their porch. To some rock and roll music. And laugh.

Because... love, love is the answer, and that's alright.

But what do I know. I like to think love is the answer anyway.