Oh F. Scott Fitzgerald!!

Oh F. Scott Fitzgerald!! Hahah That almost sounds like an expletive.
What the F. Scott Fitzgerald do you think you're doing?!
Or
F. Scott Fitzgerald!! I forgot to do my math homework last night!
Annyway,
I was so haunted by the idea that I never finished This Side of Paradise that I went ahead and read it online at work. Well, I had stopped reading it right at the crucial turning point and its a whole new world for me now. Spoiler alert: I suck at not ruining books. Amory and Roseland's love affair comes to a heartbreaking end when she chooses another man whom she does not love but is kind and can offer her security. Typical mistake LADY! You let go of your one true love just so you can avoid ever having to lift a finger?! And poor Amory never really gets over it and can never love another women with the same passion. There is another young girl, Elenor, but its not quite the same. They are both incapable of true intamacy without the help of the poetry, which they read aloud to one another. It is a lovely, sad love affair that lasts only a summer, and ends shortly after with a wild suicide attempt by Miss Elenor.
This is taken from the book... Amory is walking her home right after she flies off her horse,

"All the way back she talked haltingly about herself, and Amory's
love waned slowly with the moon. At her door they started from
habit to kiss good night, but she could not run into his arms,
nor were they stretched to meet her as in the week before.
For a minute they stood there, hating each other with a bitter
sadness. But as Amory had loved himself in
Eleanor, so now what he hated was only a mirror."

 The idea of love waning with the moon really
resonated with me as
I understood the feeling all too well.
He just loved this girl for what he saw of himself in her.
They understood each other and that was what they had.
She couldn't bring anything out in him,
they were too alike. I think its the mystery you
fall in love with. All the little ways someone is
different from you. You want to spend all your
time trying to figure them out.
You may think you want to be with someone similar,
kinda in the same boat as you, wanting the same things,
Similar tendencies. But you find you're going nowhere fast.
You do the same things, talk about the same things.
You're both lazy so you sit around all day,
you  never go anywhere new, never did anything new.
Well, maybe not never.
There are always good times.
You just can't learn anything from one another.
Well, maybe you learn one thing.
You need to be with someone who's not just like you.
Because you don't want to
love yourself through another.
You've  got to learn to love yourself on your own.
You  can only love someone for who they are
And its a blessing if they are different from you.
When you form relationships with people who are
different from you, you grow as a person,
when you don't, you never get out of your petty,
narrow minded little world.
That little world that can stop you from really living.
Or cause you to go crazy, like Elinor.

Sometimes people just can't be together because
they simply aren't right for each other.
Something doesn't click.
You can't be with someone just because you care for them.
Even if they're the last person you would want to hurt,
You have to be true to yourself and leave them.
You know what I mean? Its stupid and it feels cruel but its true. 
You hope you can always be friends, but that may not happen.
They might not want to see you again. Maybe ever... :(
And C'est la vie. Live and let live. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..
Another quote which made me laugh because as an actor
I've definitely
been this pathetic and hated myself for it....

"Probably more than any concrete vice or failing Amory despised
his own personality--he loathed knowing that to-morrow and the
thousand days after he would swell pompously at a compliment
and sulk at an ill word like a third-rate musician
or a first-class actor."

When your sense of self worth is riding on whether or not other
people think you're great,it is the saddest thing in the world.
Its means you have no relationship with yourself.
You don't have any sense in yourself or faith in your ability.
If you feel this way now,
please get a grip on yourself.
----Check out this song by Semisonic, Get a Grip!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xs0ua_semisonic-get-a-grip_music
It has a lovely double meaning.

Another great Quote...!

"There were so many places where one might
deteriorate pleasantly:
Port Said, Shanghai, parts of Turkestan, Constantinople,
the South Seas--all lands of sad, haunting music and many odors,
where lust could be a mode and expression of life,
where the shades of night skies and sunsets
would seem to reflect only moods
of passion: the colors of lips and poppies."

Have you ever wanted to just go somewhere to deteriorate.
Of course you have.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, like there is nothing more
I could possible feel or experience, and I just want to
curl up and go to sleep and not wake up.
I'm not saying I've wanted to die necessarily.
Just in the moment, I wanted to drift off and never
have to snap back to life. If seems nice sometimes.
Life can be long some days.
God, I sound like an idiot.

Then there's this quote...

"Women--of whom he had expected so much;
whose beauty he had hoped to transmute into modes of art;
whose unfathomable instincts,
marvelously incoherent and inarticulate, he had thought to
perpetuate in terms of experience--
had become merely consecrations
to their own posterity. Isabelle, Clara, Rosalind, Eleanor,
were all removed by their very beauty, around which men had
swarmed, from the possibility of contributing anything
but a sick heart and a page of puzzled words to write."

Women rule. We make men's heads spin around. The end.


And by far the best of the whole book is the ending. I should
give away the ending, but here is is. You have been warned.

"There was no God in his heart, he knew; his ideas were still
in riot; there was ever the pain of memory; the regret for his
lost youth--yet the waters of disillusion had left a deposit
on his soul, responsibility and a love of life,
the faint stirring of old ambitions and unrealized
dreams. But--oh, Rosalind! Rosalind!...

"It's all a poor substitute at best," he said sadly.

And he could not tell why the struggle
was worth while,  why he had
determined to use to the utmost himself
and his heritage from the
personalities he had passed....

He stretched out his arms to the crystalline,
radiant sky.

"I know myself," he cried, "but that is all."'


Oh Roseland!!
I know myself but that is all. God. Who knew it wasn't enough to know oneself? I guess I kinda figured so.
Wow. I'm not even going to comment anymore.
You tell me.